We had a good laugh at the office the other day. I told, that there is a country in Europe that is planning to make it illegal for two males to hold hands or hug in public. Why is this, I was asked. And I replied that I suppose it is, because they think that it is a bad influence for children see two men holding hands, I suppose they don’t want to see it them selves, I suppose they are so scared of homosexuality.. My coworkers were silent for a moment and then said: they should come and see Nepal!
Here men hold hands in the public, hug and touch each other more than in “the West”. And no, this doesn’t mean this would be a refugee for gay people, quite the contrary. Homosexuality in Nepal seems to be a taboo, not seen nor talked about. Here the heterosexual family is still in the center of the society. If someone doesn’t marry, this is seen as odd or even as a failure, for the unmarried individual and for the family. Homosexuality, or to be more exact, engaging in homosexual activity was a crime until 2007.
But things are changing! As said, homosexuality is no more a crime and a law allowing samesex marriages has been formed, though not approved. Maybe the attitudes towards homosexuality will follow, but as we know, change in the attitudes is always slower. But perhaps soon Europe will turn towards the East to learn about tolerance..
We continued about talking the handholding and my co-workers pointed out that in Nepal it’s the males and females who can’t hold hands in public. This would be seen as indecent, though sometimes I see young adults enjoying a moment hand in hand in the deserted streets. I still am pondering the idea, why a woman and a man holding hands is indecent? I understand this is a society relying on the traditional values, which take partly their power from religion, but rely strongly on the community. In the traditions and in religion sex is preserved between man and wife. And the woman is seen somewhat with the destructive power, for example in the Hinduism the god of destruction, Durga, is female. So as in every society, especially women’s sexuality is protected, maybe because the destructiveness of femaleness is connected to the sexuality. So sexuality or anything suggesting in that direction should not be seen in public, not even holding hands, let alone a kiss! But the males hold hands you might say, but you must see that there is nothing sexual about people who are the same sex touching in a country where homosexuality doesn’t exist.
Once I was enjoying a evening with my Finnish and Nepalese friends, all females. We were out listening to some music, when a Nepalese youngster, a young man, came and talked with us. He had had something to drink and was somewhat flirting. For a Finnish girl the situation was normal and after a short chitchat the guy went away. One of the Nepalese girls said out loud: I was so scared, how did you know what to say! In Nepal the situation was not normal and girls and boys should in many peoples opinion keep a bit of a distance. But then again, many younger people don’t choose their friends according to gender and their parents are ready to honor this view.
A lot is changing in Nepal. Recently I red from the newspaper how people are trying to change the law so that women would have the chance to inherit land and property. This is not possible now, only in the case when the woman doesn’t have a man to take care of her.
But only time will tell what changes, how things are molded by the traditions and what is denied all together. But I hope that the change doesn’t bring with it the fear of homosexuality, put the understanding. I hope that males continue showing their friendship on the streets, though this could be seen as a form of brotherhood, which makes it difficult for example the women to get their right to inheritance. But time will tell what changes and how.
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